Happy New Year Fellow Nigerians.
I find it hard to believe that we survived the hardship of 2014. From boko haram, to Ebola, Doctors’ strike, Lagos traffic (now a natural disaster in its own right), the diarisgod video, building collapse (even while you’re in church), increase in price of food stuff (including pure water), bad leadership (endorsed and exemplified by Jonah) et al. If you are alive to see this new year you have every reason to be grateful.
I am not a prophet of doom, even though doom sells very much here in Nigeria where things tend to go from bad to worse. I’m sure you remember vividly how all sorts were predicted this time last year, and how the deadly Ebola was left out. I guess the virus came with a vengeance because it was not mentioned early in the year.
Let me quickly share a few prophecies for the new year.
1. The Man Who Appointed The Chairman of INEC Will Win The Presidential Election.
If you are familiar with how INEC conducts elections you may skip this paragraph. If you’re not I’ll help you. Can you imagine a member of the Lagos State House of Assembly being held by LASTMA officials for a traffic offense? That’s absolutely impossible. How can an official arrest the man who drafted the laws that gave him a job and pays his bills in this Nigeria that jobs are scarce?
As you know I am a Nigerian, and characteristically plagued with a short memory, so I cannot remember exactly who appointed the INEC Chairman.
2. Nigeria Will Not Split In 2015.
The reason is simple – Crude oil is thicker than blood. Nothing unites Nigerians better than crude oil revenue does, not even tribal sentiments or the Premier League. You can imagine that a comatose state like Borno still receives its monthly allocation from the Federation account. In fact the Governor who should have resigned amid the state of emergency, is actually campaigning for a second term in office.
3. There Will Be War In The North East.
The President will escalate his military offensive against boko haram in the North East, so will the Government of Cameroun. The sponsors of boko haram who benefit from the tension will have to make a choice between spending their money on election campaigns or to sponsor terrorism. They’ll choose the former and make insurgency a community project with the weaker but more diffuse boko haram as pace setters.
4. Amaechi And Jonah Will Reconcile.
Jonah (a.k.a King Nebuchadnezzar) is quick to forgive. You remember how he asked Alams to go and sin no more. Besides, Amaechi doesn’t feel so much welcome in his new clique even though he’s tried to prove his loyalty by making outrageous statements against Jonah.
5. Life Will Be Hard.
This particular prophecy is now an annual prophecy. So I just thought to include it in my list, and I trust that Aunty Ngozi with her out-of-touch-with-reality economic policies will ensure that it comes to pass.
6. The Exchange Rate Will Fall.
Oil price is currently at $57 per barrel, Nigeria’s 2015 budget oil bench mark is at $65 per barrel. This means we’ll run a deficit budget this year – assuming the budget is even passed early, say before the end of january. If you add that to the fact that we import more than we export, then a dollar may be equivalent to N250 by july.
The Federal Government has not at any time been able to fulfill its obligations to Nigerians, but now it has a cogent excuse to fail in its duty – slumped oil price.
7. Chibok Girls.
8. Doctors Will Go on Strike.
Abeg, body no b firewood. After working tirelessly for some months, they’ll pick a few weeks sometime in the 3rd quarter, make some impossible demands from the government, declare a strike afterwards, then its time to turn up. So if you plan to fall sick this year, you have now or after the 3rd quarter.
9. There Will Be No Harmattan Season This year.
The Harmattan Season which should begin around the end of November, now chills till the end of December before it shows up. It will over-chill this year and appear by the first week of January 2016.
You may not appreciate this prophecy until you wake up on Christmas day to notice that the sky is cloudy and its about to rain heavily.
I just pity my ‘I Just Got Back’ folks who like to form like Harmattan is the fake version of Winter.
10. The Super Eagles Will Not Be at AFCON 2015.
Before nko? I am even of the opinion that the team be disbanded and subsequently banned.
A prophet is without honour in his own country, and you may not believe these prophecies because they are from me, until you see them come to pass.
However, if any of them goes unfulfilled, know that my fervent prayers averted it.
God Bless Nigeria
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